In Defense of Dads

I just went on a rant on my Facebook, and realized that I had a lot more to say than I could put into one status.

DH is not a daddy yet--he's still got about one month to go. However, I'm already feeling defensive on his behalf.  There is a war in America right now: a war on dads.  I've heard it mentioned that it's because they are the last "safe" group to mock.  You've seen it: the idiot dad in commercials on TV or the condescending baby gear. Yesterday, I was picking up a few last minute things at Buy Buy Baby, and saw a onesie that was labeled as "Daddy Proof" with arrows indicated which hole was for which body part, and that the bottom should be snapped.  It probably will not come as a surprise to you that DH dresses himself every day with no assistance from me, and in fact, he is not confused when his clothing fastens with snaps.  Yet, I saw a graphic on Pinterest with the caption: "Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown manchild who can't take care of himself."

I stopped.

I stared.

Now, I like a good joke. Even cynical jokes with enough truth in them that they make you wince a little even while you're laughing.  But I stared at that graphic and wondered if there were people that found that truthful enough to laugh it.  There is nothing about DH that makes me think he can't take care of himself.  Perhaps he is a "manchild" because he likes Legos and playing video games.  But he also holds down a steady job to support our family, helped me make it through graduate school and the loss of my father, spends a great deal of time and energy on home improvements, and regularly dresses himself and feeds himself.

I've seen other blogs and videos that address the issue of the "Idiot Dad."  Heaven forbid we moms should leave our children alone with them.  They might not know how to change a diaper or they might buy an inferior product.  They don't know how to eat healthy (of course the wives always know how to eat healthy and satisfy their cravings for junk food by eating cereal or yogurt). Ok, I'll admit it.  DH does have a deep abiding love for Pizza Bites and Jalapeno Poppers.  But if I'm around, he has to be alert or they'll make their way onto my plate.  He also enjoys salads even more than I do.  It's also true that he has never changed a diaper.  He also has limited experience holding babies.  Yet, when our baby is born, I am 100% sure that he will know to hold the baby the right way up and support its head.  I also have complete faith that I will show him how to change a diaper one time and he will do it correctly. In fact, he is perfectly capable of figuring out that task on his own.  I would never hesitate to leave our child under his sole supervision because he is not an idiot.

My DH is no exception to the rule (although I do find him quite exceptional across the board).  My dad raised me nearly solo from when I was 3 until I was 9.  It's true that occasionally my sisters had to brush my hair, but that was more because he was an absent-minded professor. He wasn't an idiot, he just had more important things to think about than personal appearance.  He fed me extremely wholesome, home-cooked meals, comforted me when I had nightmares, took me shopping for clothes, and made sure that I always felt safe and loved.

I have five sisters, all of whom are married to intelligent, capable men.  When one of them became a dad at 28 years old, he took to it immediately.  He adores his two daughters and has an extremely close relationship with them. It's Daddy that puts them to bed each night while Mommy does the dishes. My brother also has two daughters as well as a son.  He's gentle but strict with them, and he and his wife share parenting duties.

In fact, as I write, I keep trying to think of anyone in my life who fits the "idiot dad" stereotype. I can't think of a single one.  That's not to say that all the dads I've ever met are perfect. All people are flawed, and some dads aren't good dads.  But you know what? Some moms aren't good moms. And usually it's not because these people are idiots. There are other character flaws that make them less than ideal parents and spouses.

But let's hear it for the good dads, the capable dads, the loving and involved dads.  Because I know quite a few.